Prompt: “Write a critique of Paine’s pamphlets from the point of view of a loyalist in 1778.”
It has come to my attention that we have a disastrous storm brewing on the shores of our colonies. Talk of revolution has been infecting the ears of our British colonies as the plague once affected those back home. Similarly these treasonous notions are already bringing chaos and bloodshed wherever they go. Thomas Paine (author of the hypocritically titled pamphlet Common Sense) has been slandering His Majesties good name and demanding independence. This is as if an arm were to demand independence from its body, ripping itself away like some sort of demented experiment. Well as we all know that arm can grasp at straws, but we British have the legs and we’ll quickly catch up with it.
Hypocrisy knows no bounds it seems, as while these ingrates preach freedom they have been burning down the homes of those loyal to our homeland. They have been tarring, feathering, even hanging those with enough “common sense” to remember who we are. We’re British, and His Majesty has been and always will be our holy sovereign. No ragtag group of extremists will get away with questioning this divine truth, and if they think they will they’re going to answer to our bayonets. Surely they wont be foolish enough to seriously trifle with us.